We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
