i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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