I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
