I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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