Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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