This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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