Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
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