Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
