i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
