party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize