Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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