Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
