He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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