Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
