How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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