Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
