your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
