we have pet lesbian snakes
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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