I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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