You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
