You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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