I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think I won the penis lottery.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize