I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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