just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
