I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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