So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
