I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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