think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
