What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just had sex on a roof
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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