If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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