have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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