Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
