you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Everyone says I win the strip club
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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