the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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