That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
