I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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