Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Randomize
