I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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