i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
