I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
