He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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