She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
