i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
