I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
