Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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