question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
