Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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