fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
