I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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