Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
