i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
