She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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