It's like a parade of train wrecks.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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