That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
