Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
