Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
