ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
this just has baby written all over it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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