I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
