What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
