It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
