whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
