And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
