i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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