If that was your dad, he is hot
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
