i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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