I'm jealous of your bromance
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
